Join Jennifer in this fascinating journey into a spiritual experience. She starts with an effort at time going backwards (from Quantum Physics) and then says, "As I drove around the bend I was suddenly one with everything, with the car, the road, the sidewalk, the grass in front of the apartments, the trees, the sky and the apartment buildings themselves. There was no difference between me and any of these seemingly inanimate things which took on a sort of glow as I saw them."
Name: Jennifer Gait
Email Address: firstname.lastname@example.org
Subject: Spiritual experience
I had a spiritual experience that was very fleeting, probably only a few seconds, but which left me with the knowledge that everything is one, there is no difference between me and everything else in the world.
It was about 2007/8 and I became fascinated with quantum physics, or as much as I understood it from a layman's point of view. One of the things that intrigued me was that time could flow in either direction, and I wanted to see if I could experience time flowing backwards. At the time I had chronic pain and was on was disability leave from work, and driving three times a week for water and exercise therapy to a local pool about 7 km away. I decided that this journey would be ideal for testing whether time could go backwards. So I devised a few rules that would help me achieve that.
The first thing I did just before driving out of the driveway out was to look at my watch and mark the time, and would then set my intention, saying 'I am going to drive safely to the pool and get there on time and before I started.' I would then drive and not look at my watch again until I got to the parking lot at the pool.
As I usually was driving in the tail-end of rush-hour, the 8 km journey would normally take me about 20 minutes. After a couple of weeks of driving I began to realize how time stressed I was. Whenever I was held up by traffic or by traffic lights, I would silently fume. I realized that this was not helping either me or my experiment so I then choose to see waiting at traffic lights, or in traffic, as part of getting there safely. It could save me from an accident I might have had if I had not been stopped. I started to feel much calmer while driving, but I still took the usual time to get there.
I then, by happenstance, read a book about Zen Driving - I was taking Buddhist instruction at the time and chose the book because I thought it would make me more aware in general, rather than helping me with time flowing backwards. However as I learned to notice the cars and other things around me, without naming them or anything about them in my head, I started to become more present in each moment, until after several weeks I was able to be in the present moment for the whole journey on most days. In fact my intention to stay in the present moment became stronger than my intention to arrive at the pool before I set out. Even so, the time it took to complete the journey started to decrease - once or twice I did it in five minutes; closer, but no Bingo.
Then one day I had stopped at some traffic lights about 1/4 mile from the pool. The road ahead was straight for about 50 yards and then had a gradual bend as it passed a couple of apartment buildings, As I drove around the bend I was suddenly one with everything, with the car, the road, the sidewalk, the grass in front of the apartments, the trees, the sky and the apartment buildings themselves. There was no difference between me and any of these seemingly inanimate things which took on a sort of glow as I saw them.
I cannot identify what my feeling was other than it was the most peaceful and glorious feeling I have ever had. The whole thing was over in less than half a minute, in fact I think it was probably only a few seconds long.
What it did for me was to confirm that I am eternal, and it removed any fear I may have had about death, though as I used to be a nurse and have seen many people die, I have never really feared death itself. (Also, some years earlier I had been following A Course in Miracles for a couple of years, but stopped when my ACIM teacher died, ACIM also helped me to feel that death was not fearful.) By feeling one with everything, I also realized that I did not have to be a certain way to be OK. If I am part of everything then I don't have to stand out, or be particularly virtuous in order to be acceptable. I am acceptable just as I am.
This has been my only spiritual experience, but it had a big enough impact that I feel that most of the things that people worry about or feel are important, don't affect me. Although I am still occasionally judgmental of myself or others, when I look back on this 'being one with all that is' experience, it is easy to let go of judgment. If we are all one, who is there to judge or be judged by.
Regards, Jennifer Gait
MORE FROM JENNIFER:
Hello Again Gary,
Since talking to you I have been thinking, feeling and exploring my spiritual experience of about 11 years ago, and I realize that the meaning for me was that all of us ("sinners" people trying to live a good life, priests. EFT teachers who help thousands of people live a happier life) are deeply loved by God no matter what we do or don't do, or say. I realize that the amazing feeling I had when I suddenly became one with everything, was that I was loved unconditionally. I did not have to be, do or act in a certain way to be loved. We are generally our toughest critics which only makes us feel 'less than' others whom we feel we ought to emulate. I think that this feeling of 'less than' or 'not enough', is what stops most of us from living a full and happy life. Also, despite this experience, i can still go back to not being enough, if I am not careful.