25 relationship beliefs shift within one session of Optimal EFT. But more work to do.

Hi Everyone,

Christine Blanchet gives us many details about a beginning relationship session using Optimal EFT.  While the initial results are encouraging, more specifics are likely needed to take the result even deeper.  Note the many experiments Christine uses regarding The Unseen Therapist.  She says, "I chose to share this case study because despite the fact that there is obviously more work to be done here, I have rarely, if ever, seen so many beliefs (in this case, 25) shift so much in one session. Even though this is just the beginning, I'm very excited about Optimal EFT and I hope to contribute to its advancement by sharing my experience."

e-hugs, Gary


Sarah and relationships

Sarah lives in a foreign country so this session was held over Skype. All of the names have been changed and some of the details kept secret in order to respect my client's anonymity.

I chose to share this case study because despite the fact that there is obviously more work to be done here, I have rarely, if never, seen so many beliefs (in this case, 25) shift so much in one session. Even though this is just the beginning, I'm very excited about Optimal EFT and I hope to contribute to its advancement by sharing my experience.

Sarah is a young woman who contacted me to do some work on relationships. Her main concern was that she wasn't sure if her partner was the "right one", the person with whom she wanted to found a family and be with all her life. She wished to do several sessions, as it was a very broad and recurrent issue. In preparation for our work together, I had asked her to write down and email me a list of beliefs concerning relationships as well as another list concerning men.

At the beginning of our session I asked her to tell me how true each of these beliefs were to her on a scale of 0 to 10, a 0 meaning 0% true and a 10 meaning 100% true.

Here is Sarah 's list of limiting beliefs concerning relationships. After each belief I have noted the percentages prior to and at the end of our session :

- I cannot live happily with the man I love :    5 - 2

- I can't be "loveable" (as in likeable) :  6 - 4

- Being in love is dangerous, one always ends up suffering: 9 - 6

- If we're not always sharing things together our relationship can't work out : 4 - 1

- Independence is dangerous: 4 - 2

- One always ends up getting bored and then becoming unfaithful :  6 – 4

- Personal development weakens relationships (makes them more fragile) : 5,5 – 1,5

Negative beliefs concerning men:

Men:

- don't know how to say "no" (to alcohol and women) : 7 - 1

- are selfish : 8 - 0

- are solitairy : 5 - 1

- are unfaithful (flighty) : 7 - 2

- aren't trustworthy, can't be counted on : 4 -2

- can have sex without love : 7 -3

- are lazy : 6 - 1

- are messy :3 - 2

- are violent : 1 – 0,5

- find it hard to commit : 8 – 5

- are absent : 9 - 1

- offload their responsibilities, don't take responsibility for their behaviour : 6,5 - 3

- die at war : 2 - 1

- aren't grateful : 7 – 2

 

And also:

- We are alone even when we are living with them : 5 - 4

- We are always waiting 8 - 3

- We have to impose ourselves in order to obtain anything with men : 8 – 1

- Women must leave them alone: 2- 1

As well as her beliefs, I had asked Sarah to write down her goal concerning the outcome of our sessions, as well as a list of specific events concerning relationships.

She had listed 3 personal experiences with boyfriends, mentioned her father working hard and being absent most of the time, and finally, she mentioned her mother and her two grandmothers' stories. I felt that Sarah had put a lot of emphasis on their stories, more so than her own experiences so I decided to start there.

I had also noticed that in her list of beliefs she had mentioned, "men die at war". Even though the intensity was low on this one, I still found it curious, as X had never experienced a war.

So I asked her which of the 3 stories affected her the most she said grandmother Trudy. Trudy had married a man she didn't love because the man she loved never came back from war.

However, before going into Trudy's story I decided to start off with some conventional EFT tapping on another question:

I asked her what her greatest fear concerning relationships would be and she said "To live with a man whom I don't love"

I asked her to imagine that and to feel it. She was at a SUDS 8 with a feeling of sitting on the "hot seat" and wanting to run away.

Then I asked her to imagine what it would feel like to have the opposite and she said it felt like light filling her from inside, it was peaceful and serene, everything just flowed easily and it was like a beautiful bubble was surrounding her.

We then went back to her original fear and she was now a SUDS 5 with a tight throat.

We tapped on the tight throat and her fear and again imagined the light and peaceful opposite and it went further down to a 3 where she felt shriveled and old, sick to her stomach and disgusted as well as fear which felt like a ball in her stomach.

I then asked her if she wanted to try something new and I explained that the founder of EFT was in the process of developing something completely different.

She agreed so we proceeded with Optimal EFT.

I have always tapped along with my clients for several reasons, one of them being that I want them to be able to become empowered (so that it isn't me doing it to them and so they can do it themselves when I'm not around). I have also noticed how powerful group work can be, so I guided her to invite in the Unseen Therapist along with me.

I asked her to imagine the feeling of love and gratitude, and that all she had to do was to invite in the UT and to just hold that loving space in order to let the UT do her work. I also told her that the UT was infinitely wise and knew exactly what to do.

To further help Sarah get into a loving, accepting state (just allowing things to happen) I said that if she liked, she could imagine herself as a wise monk just being love and observing the scene.

I then told her to become, or to just imagine the ball in her stomach and observe while the UT was "doing its thing".  I said that if she wished she could also send love and reassurance to the ball. I did the same as her and we held that space together for about a minute. When we had finished she said she imagined the loving space like a beautiful bubble surrounding them all.

After that Sarah told me that the ball had dissolved completely.

We then proceeded to do some O.E. for her grandmother Trudy.

Sarah saw her as old, withered and bent over as well as angry and sad.

Without taking any 0-10 intensity levels we went directly through the steps as before.

Sarah then said that Trudy had got younger and all the dust had been swept off of her. She could also see that Trudy's base chakra was glowing bright red and that she had a red aura.

When I asked if there was anything more to do she said that Trudy had a ball in her throat.

This time we concentrated only on the ball, soothing it and sending it love.

After Sarah said that her grandmother was standing straight up despite the fact that she had suffered from kyphosis  (hunched back) when she was alive.

However there was still a small ball in her throat so we did another "round" of O.E.

When we had finished, Sarah was smiling with a tear running down her cheek. She said it was all done and that her grandmother had turned into an angel.

I then decided to turn our attention to Trudy's husband.

When Sarah imagined her grandfather she said she saw and felt distress. He was cut in two with a metallic object and it felt like it was the war. 

She found it hard to hold a loving space for him so I asked her if she agreed with the belief that inside every person there is a child that just wants to be loved. She nodded so I asked her if she could do it if she imagined him as that little child and she said yes.

After a round of O.E. she said that he was now in colour but he had a kind of metal helmet that looked like it could cut off the top of his head.

After the next round she said that the heavens had taken off the helmet but there was still a little bit of steel in his body.

During the next round I suggested we also imagine freeing the war from his system.

As a result, he had grown and was free from his armour except for his hands, which were encased in gloves of steel.

At the end of a final round Sarah said that everything was done and that the little boy was happy and had gone off to play.

At the end of the session we ran over Sarah's list of beliefs again and I asked her to give me, without reminding her of her previous percentages, the percentages as they stood now, and she gave her answers very quickly without having to think being very sure of her choices.

In our next session we will go over her beliefs again to see where they stand and carry on working while getting more and more specific.

Hugs, Christine Blanchet

The day after our session I called Sarah to ask her permission to use her case study and to also ask how she was doing. She gave me her permission and said that she had slept really well and felt great. She also said that she couldn't wait for our next session.

Further notes:

Beliefs and intensity

Some of the beliefs that didn't go down to a 0 had become more like "facts". The truth of the statement was still there but the emotional charge had either gone down or had disappeared completely.

For example, "Men can have sex without loving" This is a fact that stays true in some cases, however it didn't affect her as it did before.

Other statements of this type were: "are messy", "find it hard to commit" or, "die at war". For these statements, Sarah felt less, or not at all, concerned.

Oneness and separateness

Sarah mentioned during the session that she felt it was easier for her to imagine the ball in front of her rather than to become it.

I find this quite common amongst my clients. In addition, I find that, for most people it is easier to send love to someone or something outside of themselves than to themselves directly.

Sarah told me that she noticed that she could become united (one), only by being separate! This is paradoxical but this may be a way around the Guard at the Gate. The mind (ego?) thinks it's separate but in reality it isn't.

It's true also that we have to stand back and not interfere while the UT is doing its thing which further gives us an illusion of separateness. At least in the visual sense, because on the inner-feeling sense it's quite the opposite.